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Journal Entry: Nov. 3
Nov. 3rd, 2006 12:22 pmI've decided to try and keep a journal to see if it helps me keep thing straight about the Nexus -- probably an impossible task, since as far as I can tell the Nexus is a remarkably confusing and inconsistent place. But if I'm going to live here I'm going to have to try and make some sense of it, or else I'm going to drive myself crazy.
Right now the biggest thing on my mind is, well, life. Or what others consider to be life, anyway. One man I've met seems to be convinced enough of the nonexistence of a soul that he's willing to sacrifice it -- or the possibility of it -- for riches. Another man seems to have defined his life entirely around hurting others, and in spite of having things most people would give their right foot for continues to be miserable simply because he is not allowed to hurt others. Is any of this really "living," per se? To live without soul or happiness... how can people manage?
I know a man -- KNEW a man (as far as I'm concerned right now, he's dead) -- whose life was so wracked with guilt that he couldn't like himself even with the successes he'd obtained in life. His entire existence was tainted by one horrific moment, and even after he'd been exonerated it seemed he had a hard time emerging from his shell. It must have been a terrible 15 years for him.
I'm not the best at holding back, per se. Seeing how some people have turned out from holding things in, however, I can't help but feel this has been better for me -- even if it's resulted in a few very humiliating moments. But I guess that's life: if you don't go out on a limb, don't live it up, it's not really life, huh?
Well, I'm just rambling, anyway. More later.
Right now the biggest thing on my mind is, well, life. Or what others consider to be life, anyway. One man I've met seems to be convinced enough of the nonexistence of a soul that he's willing to sacrifice it -- or the possibility of it -- for riches. Another man seems to have defined his life entirely around hurting others, and in spite of having things most people would give their right foot for continues to be miserable simply because he is not allowed to hurt others. Is any of this really "living," per se? To live without soul or happiness... how can people manage?
I know a man -- KNEW a man (as far as I'm concerned right now, he's dead) -- whose life was so wracked with guilt that he couldn't like himself even with the successes he'd obtained in life. His entire existence was tainted by one horrific moment, and even after he'd been exonerated it seemed he had a hard time emerging from his shell. It must have been a terrible 15 years for him.
I'm not the best at holding back, per se. Seeing how some people have turned out from holding things in, however, I can't help but feel this has been better for me -- even if it's resulted in a few very humiliating moments. But I guess that's life: if you don't go out on a limb, don't live it up, it's not really life, huh?
Well, I'm just rambling, anyway. More later.
